Pastor David Muriithi and his wife Pastor Ronica Muriithi with their children Esther Wanja and Paul Munyaka.

Many women complain that men are not taking their rightful place in society and playing the roles they should. Felista Wangari looks at the issue

    The call by women for the men around them to man-up is growing louder by the day. Women say that the pool of men who can rise up to the role of a man is slowly diminishing and want men to reclaim their masculinity.
    Every woman has a clear picture of what the man she commits her life to should be. For most of the women we spoke to, the mark of a good husband boils down to four things – He must be a leader, mentor, provider, and protector.
    This is the kind of man women dream of settling down with to build a happy home. But years down the line, many women feel short-changed and wonder whether their husbands learnt all the vital skills that come with the role of being a husband and father.
    It appears that the man on the wedding package did not translate into the kind of husband they had expected.
    Women who were interviewed by the Saturday Magazine told us what they expect the men to do before they can be declared man-enough.
    Most of them criticised what they termed as hit-and-run fathers who willingly donate sperm but with no intention of raising their offspring.
    They also censured men who keep their wives and children at arm’s length, preferring to spend most of their time hanging out with their football or drinking buddies.
    In addition, the women complained that they were tired of filing child support cases in the Courts and want men to provide for their children without being compelled to do so by a court order.
    When Dorcas Njenga got married 18 years ago, she thought she knew what she was getting in to. She had observed how her own dad behaved and expected her husband to follow the same pattern of being the sole provider.
    But she says that today, many men are living below their expected responsibilities.
    “A man will make you pregnant and that is the last you will see of him. Many fathers do not take responsibility for their children even when they are married, and it is not because they cannot afford it,” she says.
    Dorcas says that it is time women stopped mollycoddling men to the point where they no longer think it is their responsibility to look after their families. As long as the wives act like they can run the show on their own, the men are happy to leave it all to them.
    “We have given men too much leeway by trying to be super women and trying to do it all in the home. I believe women need to demand that their husbands live up to their roles,” she says.
    Some men agree with the observations, while others claim that a few rotten fish are spoiling the image of men and that they should not be blamed wholesale.
    Allan Njenga, 24, agrees that his peers are somewhat irresponsible.
    “Many of my agemates live like there is no tomorrow. I know of people who spend their whole salary drinking and have to depend on soft loans from friends to keep up with the party lifestyle until the next end of month. They are so used to that lifestyle I don’t think they will take responsibility when they get married,” he says.
    However, Fred, 28, says that the reason why men are reluctant to take responsibility is because there are many women who are not straightforward.
    “Women are now players and men can never be sure the children they are raising are theirs. A man would rather walk away than bring up a child who he believes is not his,” he says.
    It’s no wonder then that when we recently ran a story on a school for wives and what women were doing to make themselves better wives and mothers, the feedback was that it was the men who needed that training more than their wives.
    The consensus from our readers was that if personal development courses were left to women alone, their efforts to be good wives would be watered down because men did not have the skills of a good husband and father to match.